Everyone—What are people's opinions of fraternities and sororities on campus? Especially in light of the recent Power and Privilege Symposium. I'm interested in what positive and negative views people have on the Greek system here through that lens.
You—Do you even think about me? I still think, and dream, about you all the time.
What wild missiles did we fire that we have spiraled this far out of control? How have we become so dead to one another? You were my best friend, and you know it.
You say that I didn't take an interest, but that's a stinging barb, and you know it's untrue. Even now, when half of me hates you, I'm dying to know how you are, to know what's happening in your life, to experience the vitality of your presence as more than just a phantom dancing in my head.
I still don't understand how you moved on so quickly, how you moved so far away, how you moved the party to a new piece of tail who didn't care about you or know you like I - for a thrill you could have had anyway. I don't understand how you were able to so deftly and completely carve me out of your heart when you'd sent me such loud messages that your heart was my home - was it ever truly? I don't understand why you won't deliver the truth to me - the truth about it all; I suspect it's much simpler than you've made out - that you were terrified of the commitment or that your attraction for me had waned because of my sadness and anxiety. The truth would have treated me better than the lies and excuses you flung at me, like rocks to make me flee. I said things I regret, but I said them in the deafening mystery and pain of your silence, striving for some little piece of clarity - what else could I have done? Above all, I struggle profoundly to understand why you've staunchly refrained from making a sincere, true apology, though you've casually admitted to having fucked up. How can you so breezily deny the opportunity to bandage our wounds, to rebuild the bridge between us in, at least, some small capacity, to restore just a tiny bit of that lake of good feeling I believe we each possessed before we tumbled over the cliff?
Do you mourn what we lost at all? Or has life for you totally reset, with me as the barest, bothersome whiff of lingering memory in your mind, present only by necessity, for my significant role in your history? I hope you are happy overall, but your continued silence would seem to indicate the latter, and that, lovely, shreds me to pieces.
Thought—I'm learning that experience breeds experience is true in almost all situations and that it's both terrible and wonderful. Some situations don't fall under this, but for the most part, it seems that past experience makes everything easier.
For instance, if I apply for a job, I can cite all the other jobs I've had and I rarely fail to get hired. It's amazing how easy it has become ever since I got those first few jobs. But it's also frustrating, because I know the job searchers don't have any idea if I was a complete failure or not, they just think "someone else hired you to do a similar thing so you're probably worth my time".
But what really irritates me about this is when it comes to dating. I'm lesbian and only recently completely, publicly came out. I'd really like a girlfriend, but I have no clue how to find one. I've only dated 1 other person and I've never had to ask anyone out. Furthermore, I've never kissed anyone besides the beforementioned guy, hooked up with anyone, etc.
I've always been awkward around other people because I didn't want them to know I was gay and somehow the idea of "I'll just avoid all hugs, close contact, physical touch" seemed like the logical way to do this (I was pretty deeply closeted). So essentially all the tools I need to find a girlfriend or even find other gay people to talk to are missing.
What's annoying is that it would be bad enough to be awkward and straight, because there's the advantage of a random guy possibly liking me and then asking me out, leaving the difficult part of that process up to him. But since I don't really "act gay" since I never talk about attraction to other people or follow any stereotypes, AND I have no clue if other women are gay or not, I'm becoming convinced that I'll just stay single the rest of my life.
TL;DR: I'm shy and gay and I really wish I were just straight and my life were easier.